You Deserve This
by everlarktoast
Summary: Katniss Everdeen and Gale Hawthorne have been dating for five years. When their relationship hits rock bottom and leaves Katniss in pieces, Gale's roommate, Peeta Mellark saves the day. TRIGGER WARNING: self-harm, anxiety attacks and domestic violence. (self-harm hotlines and links posted at the end of the story.) (I'm ktanissevrdeen on tumblr! Come say hi!)


**TRIGGER WARNINGS:**

 **self harm, domestic violence and anxiety attacks.**

 **Rated M for language and the things listed above**

 **Summary: Katniss Everdeen and Gale Hawthorne have been dating for five years. When their relationship hits rock bottom and leaves Katniss in pieces, Gale's roommate, Peeta Mellark saves the day.**

 **Disclaimer: The Hunger Games isn't mine. If it was, I would be my favorite person ever.**

 **You Deserve this**

"Morning, Peeta."

He looks up from the article he's reading and watches me walk into the room, smiling when he sees me.

"Morning, sunshine."

I scowl, as he knows of my distaste for mornings.

"Where's Gale?" He asks.

"He went out last night, is he not back?"

I thought he would have passed out on the couch or something.

"No, I thought he was with you…" Peeta says, questioningly.

I sigh. "This isn't the first time this has happened, so don't worry. He probably crashed at a friends house or something."

 _Or something._

Gale Hawthorne, my boyfriend of almost five years, is my best friend. We started dating my junior year of high school and I recently moved in with him in the condo he was renting with four other guys, Peeta, Finnick, Cato and Thresh.

Gale and I are in love, even though he's gone most of the time. He tells me he's working or hanging out with friends or studying.

 _Or something_

Peeta gives me a half-hearted smile, knowing that it hurts me that Gale's never home.

I've known these boys for the past three years, and Peeta's the one I've grown closest to. He's so nice and genuine, always looking for a way to make others happy. I've been spending a lot of time with him since Gale's been MIA so much, and I can't really complain.

Peeta's an amazing friend.

We continue to talk while we eat and the other guys wake up and come down stairs, Finnick's girlfriend, Annie included.

I'm the only girl who officially lives in the place, but Annie's here almost as much as me. Not that I'm complaining- living with all guys can be pretty exhausting.

The door opens and a disheveled Gale enters, obviously hung over. The room quiets when he comes in, but he doesn't seem to notice. He walks over and gives me a slobbery kiss.

"Hey."

 _Really?_ He's been gone all night and only can give me a _hey_?

"Where were you?" I ask, trying not to sound too accusatory.

"I went to a bar with some work friends and crashed at a co-worker's house." He explains quickly.

Gale's never been a good liar.

I nod, not wanting to start a fight.

"Just call next time, okay?" I ask, feeling tiny and vulnerable.

"Sure. I'm gonna go shower."

I nod and watch him walk off.

The boys and Annie all look at me, all wondering if I saw the hickey on his neck.

"Katniss-" Annie starts.

"Yeah, I know." A tear falls down my cheek and I don't make eye contact with anyone. Peeta comes up to me and stands directly in front of me, forcing me to look at him.

"It's okay. It's not the first time." I smile brokenly, but Peeta can see right through me.

He wraps his arms around me and lets me cry. Everyone exits except Peeta, Finnick and Annie, all wrapping me up in a tight embrace and giving me the much needed comfort.

"Why am I not enough?" I ask, my voice cracking.

Peeta responds immediately.

"Oh, Katniss, you're everything."

The next few weeks go by, and Gale continues to stay out all night and come home with hickies while I continue to pretend not to notice.

The plus side to Gale not coming home most nights is that I can cry myself to sleep without him questioning why.

It isn't until two weeks later that I take a blade to my wrist, needing something- _anything_ to sooth the pain.

 _I will never be good enough._

The marks on my wrists grow, and Gale pretends not to notice.

It's not until I'm trying to make myself some cereal in the morning and I can't reach it (God forbid Cato doesn't put it on the top shelf) and Peeta has to help me get it down that he notices the scars as he hands the box to me.

He grabs my arm and looks closer.

"What the hell is this?"

"Nothing. Just some marks from hunting." I force a smile.

Peeta looks at me in disbelief. "Did you do this to yourself, Katniss?"

I stay silent, not wanting to say the truth.

"Is it because of Gale?"

I shake my head.

"It's because I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for someone to love me. I'll never be pretty enough or curvy enough or sexy or nice or happy-"

I can't cry. I'm out of tears and sadness.

I'm numb.

Peeta surprises me, and instead of walking away, he holds me.

"Why am I not enough for him, Peeta?"

"It's actually quite the opposite, Katniss." Peeta says. "He's nowhere near enough for someone like you."

 _You're everything._

I find enough tears to cry myself to sleep while Peeta holds me on the couch, and I wake up alone with dried tears on my cheeks.

I go towards my room, fully intending to go back to sleep. But, plot twist, Gale's actually home and Peeta's whisper-yelling at him.

"You have to stop this whole sneaking around thing. Do you even know what you're doing to her?"

Gale is quick to respond.

"She never gives me anything, Peeta! She's always so depressed and I can't handle it. I have needs, too!"

I wince when I hear something collide with something else, causing a commotion within the room.

"You are so fucking selfish, Gale! Have you seen her arms lately?"

Gale mumbles an ashamed "yes", and Peeta hits him again.

"Did you ever think that it's because of you? She's hurting herself and it's because you make her feel inadequate and worthless!" Peeta's quiet for a moment. "She's the most perfect woman to ever be on this planet and you're mistreating her. She's smart, funny, beautiful and I could sit for hours trying to think of a flaw but I would not be able to. I will never understand why someone like her would settle for a selfish, ugly, horny asshole like you."

I hear another commotion, and realize Gale must have hit Peeta.

"Don't talk about me like that. You don't know what's going on."

"Do you love her?" Peeta interrupts.

Gale says nothing and Peeta pushes on.

"Do. You. Love. Her."

"Yes."

Peeta laughs. "Looks like I've just made you a liar, too."

Two days later, I get home from the library around two a.m. after a long night of studying for my upcoming physics test. I walk to my room and open the door, turn on the lights and let out a gasp.

Gale is being ridden by some random chick in _my_ bed.

What. The. Fuck.

"Katniss! Hey! Uh, I can explain-"

I can feel anger seeping out of me and I grab the closest thing to me and throw it at him.

"You- you _asshole_!"

"Katniss- I"

"No! I can't believe that-" it's like I want to yell, but I can't because I can't _breathe_. I'm hyperventilating and trying to yell and it's so hard that I just want to die.

"You're fucking her in _our_ bed? You insensitive, lying, cheating, _awful_ asshole!"

l'm trying to scream at him through sobs and begin losing feeling in my hands and feet because I still can't breathe. My yelling is coming out as breathless, raspy shouts, taking more of my breaths and causing my throat to ache.

Then, Peeta comes into the room followed by the rest of the boys and he quickly catches me before I fall to the ground.

I put my head back on his shoulder and cry, not caring who's watching.

"You have a girlfriend?" The slut asks. "I thought the girl in those pictures was your sister! You're dating someone else?"

She looks at Gale in awe and begins angrily throwing her clothes back on.

"Hey, no! Don't leave! I can explain-"

"Are you kidding?" I seethe. "You cheat on _me_ and now you're running after _her_? Am I really that bad?"

Gale pauses and looks at me.

"What do you mean?"

"Why am I not good enough? I know you've been cheating on me for a while, but I never thought you would do it in our bed! God, Gale! You just- you make me feel so _ugly_!"

I'm still trying to catch my breath (it's still not coming back) and Gale's still just staring at me.

"Why did you do it, Gale?" I whisper.

"I needed things that you couldn't give me."

I blink.

"Like what?"

It's quiet for a minute.

He shrugs and avoids eye contact, so I stand and walk up to him.

"Fuck you, Gale Hawthorne."

And I slap him just before I collapse in a full-on panic attack.

I don't remember much after that, but I wake up in Peeta's bed the next day.

I sit up and look around, only to see Peeta wearing a pair of sweatpants and no shirt. He's towel drying his blonde curls, and I clear my throat to get his attention.

"Oh, hey. You're awake."

He gives me a lopsided grin and sits on the bed next to me while I try to avoid staring at his abs.

 _Peeta's kind of hot..._

"Did last night really happen?" I ask, remembering what I saw Gale doing.

He puts his hand over mine, and warmth erupts everywhere when he touches me.

"Yeah."

I nod and look down, hoping he doesn't notice the tear coming down from my face.

It lands right on his hand.

"Oh, Katniss."

He scoots closer and runs his hands over my cheeks and into my hair, planting a firm kiss on my forehead, then he pulls me into his arms and hugs me to his chest.

I cry softly, feeling too drained to work up a sob. I stay there for a while, letting him hold me. It feels so nice because it feels so _real_. For the first time in awhile, it feels like the man holding me genuinely wants me in his arms.

I missed this.

I take my head off his chest and look at him, and I must look awful. I have tears staining my cheeks and my eyes are red and puffy and swollen, my hair's a mess, and my nose is sniffly.

He smiles a little bit while I get lost in his eyes and a feeling that I haven't felt in awhile stirs in my stomach. They're so blue and he's so perfect.

"What are you looking at?" He whispers nervously.

"You." I answer honestly. "You, uh, you have really pretty eyes." I continue.

He smiles and moves another hand up to my face.

"You have a, uh, really pretty face."

I laugh and lean my forehead on his, enjoying the feeling of my face stretching into a smile.

"Why are you so nice to me?"

Peeta blushes and chuckles nervously.

"Well, I thought it was obvious." I look at him, confused.

"Katniss, I'm completely infatuated with you."

I move back a little and his hands drop from my face.

"You're- what?"

"I've liked you since the day we met, Katniss. I thought it was obvious and all… Um, I know this is weird because you literally broke up with Gale eight hours ago, but I'm not asking you out or anything. At least not yet, but-"

I interrupt his adorable blubbering.

"What if I wanted you to?"

"Wh-what?"

I don't know if this is right, or if I'm ready. But what the hell, the past few months have sucked and Gale and I have been done for awhile. Sure, it was just made official, but Peeta's nice and I guess I like him back.

"What if I wanted you to ask me on a date."

Peeta raises his eyebrows.

"Are you sure? I mean, you just broke up with Gale and all-"

"We've been done for a while, Peeta." I interrupt again.

He nods in understanding.

"Are you sure that you're ready?"

I shake my head.

"No, but I think it's worth a try. I like you and you like me, so why not?"

Really, there are probably thousands of reasons to say no. But fuck them. Fuck them, fuck Gale, fuck my cuts and fuck all the pain. I want to go on a date with Peeta Mellark.

"Okay, then." Peeta clears his throat and sits up a little. "Katniss Everdeen, will you go on a date with me?"

I giggle.

"Yes."

It's Friday, the night of my date with Peeta Mellark.

They day he asked me out, I called Johanna and Madge, my old roommates, and asked if they had any available space in my old apartment.

When I explained what happened, they welcomed me back with open arms, and I have not done any more damage to my wrists because Jo and Madge have removed most sharp things from my life.

I moved back in that day, and they hadn't gotten a replacement roommate yet even though I had lived with Gale for almost a year.

"Why didn't you find a new roommate?" I asked Johanna one night.

"I don't know. We didn't need help on the rent or anything, and we didn't want to live with some random chick. We decided that if we got a new roommate, it would have to be you."

I was stunned by her response. I was stunned by the way I felt so… _wanted_.

Now Madge is helping me get ready for my movie and dinner date with Peeta. I'm looking in the mirror, looking at my green blouse, black leggings and tan flats. Madge picked out the outfit and Johanna did my hair while I did my makeup, putting on foundation and mascara. My hair is down and slightly curled, and I can't seem to stop touching it. Madge comes in and sees me studying myself intently, and asks what's wrong.

"Maybe this is a bad idea. What does he even see in me?" I ask, and Madge sighs.

"Katniss, Gale was blind to all things that are good about you, and Peeta has perfect vision and only sees good in you. This is a great idea. Get Gale out of your head and let yourself be wanted. You deserve this, Kat."

I nod, feeling better with the sudden encouragement.

"Okay. I'll try."

Then the doorbell rings.

The date goes well, in fact, it's the best date I've ever had.

Peeta is speechless when he sees me (although he was probably faking), and he brought me roses.

I blush when he takes my hand and kisses my cheek, leading me to his car.

I giggle when he, ever the gentleman, rushes to open every door for me.

I laugh at all of his jokes, feeling carefree for once.

We get to the movie and find our seats near the back, and we are two of six people in the theater. The movie gets going, but I'm not paying any attention.

I'm too busy relishing the feeling of his hand in mine to notice what's going on in the movie.

 _What do I do?_

Do I put my head on his shoulder? Do I not? Do I cuddle up next to him? Do I scoot away? How do you drop a hint that you really want to cuddle?

Peeta looks at me, obviously sensing my tension.

"What are you thinking?" He asks, and I shrug.

"It's been awhile since I've done anything like this. Gale never really took me out like this."

Peeta's eyes widen.

"So, you never got the first date experience?"

"I mean, he took me out, but we were seventeen and broke. It wasn't really a date, it was more of a hang out." I say.

"So, you've never had the flowers, the fancy dinner or the random movie with a guy who opens the door for you and kisses you goodnight?"

I laugh a little.

"No, I haven't."

He winks.

"Well, maybe there's something I can do about that."

He walks me to my door after the movie, where we certainly did cuddle after our little conversation, and he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I had fun tonight, Katniss."

I smile. "Me, too."

It's quiet for a moment.

Peeta steps closer, placing one hand on my waist and the other on my jaw. He leans in so his lips are just above mine and I can feel his breath on my face. I'm reminded of Gale, and how little we stood like this in the last parts of our relationship.

 _Get Gale out of your head._

"Can I kiss you?" He whispers, and I hesitate. What if he thinks it's bad? What if I'm not good enough? I've only kissed two boys, and he's probably made out with so many beautiful girls! Why would he even want to kiss me if he could literally kiss anyone?

 _Stop._

 _Let yourself be wanted._

I remember Madge's words and nod feverishly, giving him permission to kiss me.

He puts his mouth on mine, softly at first, then harder as he pushes his tongue through my lips. I put my arms around his shoulders and I feel like a schoolgirl, being kissed by a boy on my porch hoping no one sees.

He parts too soon after he starts and says,

"I've been waiting so long for that."

I giggle and kiss him again.

"I should get going, I have a feeling that Jo and Madge are watching us."

Peeta laughs. "Let's do this again soon."

 _You deserve this._

I smile.

"I'd like that."

We go on three more dates, but we hang out a lot between them.

He'll come over and watch netflix with me and cuddle with me on the couch, order food and eat it all by ourselves. Sometimes, we'll get ice cream from the nearby walgreens in our pajamas together, sending me into a fit of giggles. He even tries to teach me how to bake, which only works when he's standing behind me, chest to my back and arms around me, whispering directions in my ear and guiding my hands with his.

We haven't told Gale or really even mentioned him much since I'm slowly rebuilding my self esteem and talking about it might shatter it again.

It isn't until Peeta kidnaps me with intentions of getting food and ice cream that I see Gale again. On our way into town, Peeta has to stop back by his house and get his wallet (which he forgot).

"Stay right here. I'll be right back." He kisses my cheek and runs into the house.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and slouch in my seat to relax. It seems so foreign even though it really shouldn't. Here I was, two months ago living with her long-term boyfriend and pretending to be happy. Now, here I am, dating a handsome, funny, caring and all around perfect guy. For the first time in awhile, I'm really happy.

 _I don't need to pretend anymore._

My thoughts are interrupted by my door opening suddenly. I turn around, expecting to see Peeta asking me to help him look for his wallet with an adorably embarrassed smile on his face, but no.

"Catnip?"

 _Fuck._

"What the hell are you doing in Peeta's car?" Gale asks accusingly.

"It's not really your business, Gale." I say.

"Seriously? What the fuck, Katniss!" Gale gets progressively more angry and grips my arm, yanking me out of the car.

"Let me go!" I protest, trying to break his hold on me.

"Are you fucking him? You cheated on me with him, didn't you. You acted so hurt and depressed when I cheated, you hypocrite."

Gale's seething now, pinning me against the car and talking at me.

"I never cheated, Gale." I say, trying to hold my composure.

 _Where the hell is Peeta?_

"Liar!" Gale pushes himself off me, angrily pacing in front of me.

He begins yelling at me, but I can't hear what he's saying. I can't hear or breathe, I'm shaking

and the feeling in my hands is gone.

 _A panic attack is the last thing I need right now._

I'm trying to control my breathing and tune Gale out, but he's just so _loud_ and I can't take it. I feel the tears hit my cheeks before I even notice that I'm crying, and Gale's still asking me questions.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"I-"

"Fuck, Katniss! What's the matter with you?"

Gale's getting close again just as Peeta comes outside.

"What's going on here?"

That's when Gale hits me.

It's a crisp slap in the face, similar to the one I gave him, but it knocks me to the ground. Gale stands above me as I grip my face, the pain spreading from my cheek.

I look up just in time to see Peeta come over a punch Gale in the face, push him to the ground, and they begin pummeling each other as I lay there, paralyzed in fear and anxiety.

Finnick, Annie and Cato come outside at hearing the ruckus and immediately get to work at separating the boys. Annie comes over and leans next to me.

"Katniss? Are you okay?"

"I- I can't-" I begin gagging so I stop talking.

"Calm down. Take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong."

I'm still gasping for air, but Annie needs to know what's happening.

"Anxiety… attack."

Gal _e_ turns and sees me on the ground, gasping for air and holding my stomach while I try not to vomit.

"Shit, Catnip!"

He's mad at me and I'm not happy with him at all, but he knows what's happening.

"She's having a panic attack. A bad one, too." He moves his hands to my shoulders and I jump away.

"Don't-" I cough.

No way am I letting me help me after what he just did to me. I turn around and begin gagging, pulling at my hair.

"Katniss, Katniss hey. Look at me."

Peeta's over here now, leaning down next to me.

"Hey, it's okay." I shake my head because it's not.

"Focus on the sound of my voice, okay?" I don't answer.

He puts his hands on my arms and rubs them up and down.

"When I was little, my mom used to hit me. She would use it as punishment for whenever I did something wrong. It used to give me panic attacks, too. And my older brother one time found me hiding in the closet during one. He sat with me and told me a story until I felt better, then we hijacked cookies from the bakery downstairs and binge-ate them until we couldn't move."

I've calmed down a little, finding control of my breathing and looking at his eyes and hearing his voice.

"You have them, too?" I ask, painfully vulnerable.

He nods.

"You're going to be okay, Katniss."

I begin crying. No longer having a panic attack, just crying. Peeta wraps me up and holds me against his chest while I cry myself dry.

Eventually, Peeta brings me into his room and lets me sleep there for the night so he can watch over me.

"I didn't know you had anxiety." He says.

"It never came up." I mutter.

He nods, wrapping his arms around me from behind in bed.

"I can help you."

 _That's more than Gale ever did._

"I know." I say.

"Will you let me?" He asks, burying his face in my hair.

"I'll allow it."

I fall asleep with a sense of hope for once.

 _You're going to be okay, Katniss._

We talk to Gale the next day and profuse apologies are given, and eventual friendship is agreed upon.

I just need time.

Me and Peeta stay together, and it's like a fairy tale. He cuddles me, cooks me food, watches movies with me, holds me at night. He lets me take care of him, and I let him take care of me.

I never take a blade to my wrist again.

Peeta helps me through my decreased panic attacks when they come around, and I help him get through his.

We heal together.

I knew I loved for a long time, but don't say anything about it until the night we fully explore each other for real.

As we come down from our high and settle into our afterglow, I tell him and he says it back.

" _I love you, too."_

 **A/N**

 **Hi all!**

 **As someone who suffers from anxiety, I have based some of her experiences off of my own and I fully understand that everyone's anxiety is different. Never feel like you're alone because you aren't. Here are some hotlines for self harm and other mental illness situations (taken from ):**

 ***1-800-DON'T-CUT – More info on self-injury**

 *** .com – Referrals for therapists and tips for how to stop.**

 ***1-800-273-TALK – A 24-hour crisis hotline if you're about to self-harm or are in an emergency situation.**

 ***To Write Love On Her Arms ( .com) - A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.**

 ***1-800-SUICIDE – Hotline for people contemplating suicide.**

 ***1-800-334-HELP – Self Injury Foundation's 24-hour national crisis line.**

 ***1-800-799-SAFE – Domestic violence hotline.**

 ***1-877-332-7333 – Real Help For Teens' help line.**

 **Again, I hope you enjoyed this story and I have a new multi-chapter fic coming soon!**

 **love and kisses,**

 **everlarktoast.**

 **P.S.**

 **come say hi on tumblr! I'm ktanissevrdeen :)**


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